What Would Presidents Do? Christmas attempted bomber

December 25, 2009 a man attempted to set off a bomb on a plane in the United States that had come from the Netherlands. How would past presidents react to this act of terrorism?

Andrew Jackson would go to this man and beat him senseless with his cane. Then he would challenge the man to a duel to take place a week later, which Jackson would win and kill the terrorist. He would then proceed to seek a complete war against Terrorism and subvert Congress' decision to not allow such a war by going ahead and sending troops and subsequently he would be impeached.

William McKinley would move with caution. He would not seek military action until he was forced to by public opinion. Currently the public isn't too big on the idea of sending more troops so McKinley would not go to any war. How things would progress after that would be out of US control, but McKinley would probably stay a popular president.

Theodore Roosevelt would pull out his big stick by moving toward a war. However, how he would go for a war against a somewhat intangible group is unclear. He would definitely take some action because negotiations and diplomacy would be worthless.

James Buchanan would seek allies in a war against terrorism. But he would only do this after an official declaration of war by Congress because he won't overstep Constitutional bounds. If he gets a declaration, all signs point to him being a wonderful diplomat. He should be able to find allies and make treaties well.

Barack Obama finds himself in a difficult position because he recently called for a surge in Afghanistan but the newer and possibly more relevant front is Yemen. If he calls for even more troops, the public will disapprove. If he chooses to reroute the Afghanistan surge to Yemen, he may be viewed as indecisive. Thus he's in quite the predicament for now. If he's lucky, he issue will blow over a bit and the decision to focus on Afghanistan will turn out well for both his popularity and the welfare of the country.

We'll see how he goes about the issue in time.

"Fact" Book

Today I borrowed a Presidential Fact Book, as the title says, from a US History teacher. I basicially orgasmed when I initially saw it. It was as thick as Harry Potter, but it wasn't about fictional boys saving the world as they go through puberty, it was about something almost as irrelevant to my life but three hundred times as interesting, the presidents of days past!

Excited, I read the chapter on George Washington once I got home with the monster of a book. The first thing I noticed was that in the quick facts at the beginning, it listed Washington as a member of the Federalist Party. This bothered me, as Washington was not officially in any party and is well known for saying we should avoid political parties in his farewell address. But I shrugged this off, because he honestly did prefer the views of the Federalists.

However, later in the chapter, there was a "fact" I could not forgive. It said that Washington's precedent of bowing out after two terms was not broken until FDR was elected to his third term in 1940.

This certainly isn't true.

The book makes the assumption that because FDR is the only president to be elected to more than two terms that he is the only person to break this precedent. However, in order to break the precedent, all that a person would have to do is be elected to two terms and run for a third.

Ulysses S. Grant was president for two terms, then Rutherford B. Hayes succeeded him. Hayes faught corruption, the spoils system, and the political machine in his term. So in 1880, Grant was the Stalwart faction of the Republican Party favorite to be nominated for president. He failed to be nominated because of the rift between the Stalwarts and Half-Breeds, but the point stands that there was effort to get him a third term.

The other Roosevelt, Theodore, ran for a third term in 1912, when he was dissatisfied with the way his handpicked successor was running the show. He failed to get the Republican nomination, but ran under his own new party, the Progressive (Bull Moose) Party.

So the real fact in this matter is that George Washington's precedent of leaving the office of president voluntarily and forever after two terms was broken in our nation's history, and not only by FDR.

Chester Arthur is special

...and not just for his facial hair. He's the only president to have no animals while in the White House.

There were some interesting animals over the years. Jefferson had bear cubs. John Quincy Adams had alligators. Badass Andrew Jackson had fighting cocks.

I can understand the idea of having a dog, like Bo Obama, or a cat. But Teddy Roosevelt had at least 25 animals. Is it really necessary to have a one legged rooster, TR? Really?

I was amazed by the media surrounding the First Family of Obama as they were picking out a dog. War in Iraq? I haven't heard about it. But did you hear that Obama got a Portugese Water Dog? I know, I expected a Chesapeake Bay Retriever in honor of TR's "Sailor Boy."

Presidents have the right to have a nice family pet. But the media needs to learn the world doesn't depend on it. And the First Families need to keep it under control. The president doesn't need to become like the crazy cat lady, except instead of cats they have alligators, badgers, cows, duikers, and all this other crazy stuff.

Assassinations: Part 1

Earlier today I was fretting a bit, because it was day 2 of having this blog and I didn't have a clue what to talk about today. I finally settled on the Election of 1880, but then I was considering how to work in the assassination of Garfield and such and well long sentence and thought process short, I decided to discuss 2 assassination attempts.

First, and chronologically last, is the attempt on Theodore Roosevelt's life in 1912 as he was running as a candidate for the Progressive (Bull Moose) Party, when he failed to recieve the Republican nomination. At this point in time, TR already managed to show how badass he was. He shot stuff, he led a group of horseless cavalry to take a hill, and he busted up some trusts. But then he was campaigning for a third term (prior to the 22nd Amendment, of course) and giving a speech in Milwaukee when a man named John Schrank fired a gun at him. Schrank was aiming at Roosevelt's head, but a bystander deflected the gun and the bullet hit him in the chest. It passed through 50 pages, folded, and his glasses case, but still lodged 3 inches deep.

Teddy didn't know that he was shot until someone else pointed out the bullethole in his coat. Badass.

He went on to give the speech anyway, before going to a hospital and not dying. The assassination attempt failed, as did the campaign. But that's another blog.


Second is the attempt on Andrew Jackson's life. It is important to the tale to recall that the badassness of Andrew Jackson surpasses that of TR. Without trouble. On January 30, 1835, Jackson was leaving a funeral that had taken place in the capital when Richard Lawrence stepped out and attempted to shoot him with a pistol, but it misfired. Lawrence pulled out a second pistol which also misfired. A beatdown was then put upon his ass by the president himself. No declaration of war from Congress required.

Later the pistols were tested to determine what went wrong. They never failed again, so people of the time said Jackson was protected by Providence, just like the nation. In modern terms, "THANKS BE TO NONDENOMINATIONAL DEITY (OR LACK THEREOF) FOR SAVING THE PRESIDENT!" Other people theorize that humidity caused the pistols to fail.

The fact of the matter is, the bullets were just as afraid of Andrew Jackson as everyone else.






Part 2 tomorrow, featuring Charles Guiteau!