PST 2 Round 2

1 Abraham Lincoln (6'4'', 52) 42 Andrew Johnson (5'10'', 56)
Abraham Lincoln submits the final vote to impeach Johnson and remove him from this tournament, as he stuffs him shot after shot with his vast height advantage.

2 George Washington (6'2'', 57) 39 Warren Harding (6', 55)
The game is tight until technical fouls go against Harding due to the Ohio Gang's illicit activity on the sidelines. Washington pulls away and wins it.

4 Theodore Roosevelt (5'10'', 42) 36 John Tyler (6', 51)
John Tyler is largely ineffective, and Theodore Roosevelt takes over his territory, pulling away with an easy win.

5 Harry Truman (5'9'', 60) 35 Herbert Hoover (5'11.5'', 54)
Truman finds himself helpless in this game without any atomic bombs to drop.

7 Thomas Jefferson (6'2.5'', 57) 29 James Garfield (6', 49)
As Garfield walks through the entrance, Charles Guiteau pops out behind him and shoots him twice. Garfield is declared unable to play and Jefferson wins by default.

8 Dwight Eisenhower (5'10.5'', 62) 28 Richard Nixon (5'11.5'', 56)
Eisenhower leads 12-4 after 4 minutes, and Nixon resigns.

11 Lyndon Johnson (6'3.5'', 55) 27 Calvin Coolidge (5'10'', 51)
Lyndon Johnson dominates with his height advantage over Coolidge. Cal is left without a word to say.

12 James Polk (5'8'', 49) 22 Barack Obama (6'1'', 47)
The audience shouts "54-40 or fight!" for Polk. Why they wanted this exact score is unclear. However, their shout doesn't reflect Polk's views, who doesn't want a fight, and loses, 49-40.

13 Andrew Jackson (6'1'', 61) 21 Grover Cleveland (5'11'', 55)
Ol' Grover just doesn't have the military experience to keep up with Jackson's flanking and frontal assault and the pistol pointing didn't hurt Jackson's game either.

14 James Monroe (6', 58) 20 James Madison (5'4'', 57)
Madison was so small he couldn't get a single shot in over Monroe. He attempts to write an amendment to the Constitution making people over 5'11'' illegal, but the states don't approve it.

15 Bill Clinton (6'2'', 46) 19 John Quincy Adams (5'7.5'', 57)
Well, Bill Clinton is taller and younger. Also, he's said to be the "First Black President" so he must be good at basketball.

And he drinks some Kool-Aid in the breaks too.




Round 3 tomorrow.