"Cookies" by Steven Myket

Cookies
Cookies are as good as pizza
Cookies are as sweet as sugar
Cookies are as warm as my blanket
I like cookies

"Cookies" by Steven Myket has a brilliantly constructed form, with which it manages to convey deep meaning inside an innocent metaphor, all with only four lines of verse.

We learn that the narrator feels cookies are "good," "sweet," and "warm." He also "like[s] cookies." The narrator comes across as deeply innocent, light-hearted, and pure. The cookie is such a comfort to the narrator, creating a warm environment as his blanket, drawing him back to the time in his mother's womb.

The question then arises, "What are cookies?" At first, you are inclined to take the easy route and define it as a baked good. But you cannot overlook the two other definitions of cookie. It's a slang term for a type of person, for example a "tough cookie." It is also a computer file that is stored on your computer by a website to keep a tab on you.

The slang term does not fit into the poem. However, the computer file does. It is "good" because it creates convenience for the narrator, not making him log into the same website over and over. It's "sweet" because it will remember his information for him. The "warm" describes the complacency of the narrator, who enjoys the cookies. He likes them.

But this has more meaning to it. The cookies are the way that the world is keeping an eye on his computer. He could easily be tracked through them by the government, an agency, or a powerful individual. The innocent narrator disregards these privacy issues and freely disposes of his singularity and allows himself to have a warm feeling of safety, as in the womb, despite his openness to being watched.

Likewise, society today has little problem with shedding privacy and individual rights to larger groups, taking convenience and warm feelings over all else.

Good in Every President

You know, I was really thinking about the way I treated some presidents. And by that I mean I feel slight remorse for my constant bashing of James Buchanan. I also ignore many other men, like James Monroe or James Carter... or pretty much any non-Garfield James.

And so, I present to you, a list of something good about every man who has been president.

George Washington: Interpreted the position and set numerous precedents that stand to this day, including the cabinet, making treaties without bothering with Congress, and basically staying fairly separated from the legislature

John Adams: Put John Marshall on the Supreme Court, who would go on to be part of numerous landmark cases

Thomas Jefferson: Won the First Barbary War, the first major war for the United States overseas

James Madison: Won the Second Barbary War, stopping American tribute to the pirates of the region.

James Monroe: The Monroe Doctrine is pretty much the most important foreign policy matter in our history

John Quincy Adams: And JQA wrote it

Andrew Jackson: Kicked the Nullification Crisis in the ass

Martin Van Buren: Preferred diplomacy and peace, talking to Mexico rather than warring with them, and denying Texas a chance at statehood for greater peace

William Henry Harrison: Well, that was one hell of an inaugural speech

John Tyler: Set the precedent for the vice president ascending to the presidency when the man in charge keels over

James K. Polk: Created the Department of the Interior

Zachary Taylor: Took a major step in British and American relations with the Clayton-Bulwer Treaty

Millard Fillmore: Acknowledged how much the Fugitive Slave Law pissed off the North, and attempted to balance it by not allowing the South to get into Cuba and try to make it a slave state.

Franklin Pierce: Chose people with many opinions for his cabinet and has the only cabinet to never change

James Buchanan: Promised not to run again in his inaugural address, saving America the trouble of not electing him in 1860

Abraham Lincoln: Created the Secret Service... to fight counterfeiting

Andrew Johnson: Gave amnesty to all Confederates, a move that might seem stupid, but probably helped ease the tension a bit

Ulysses Grant: Signed the bill making the first national park, Yellowstone

Rutherford B. Hayes: Acted as the middleman and peacemaker in the War of the Triple Alliance between a bunch of South American countries that I can't be bothered to name

James Garfield: Appeased factions to an extent, but still worked to be his own president

Chester Arthur: See pretty much any post with the tag "Chester Arthur" or "Chet"

Grover Cleveland: Wasn't afraid to take unpopular decisions, such as not signing pension bills for the veterans of the Civil War

Benjamin Harrison: Signed the Sherman Anti-Trust Act, the bill setting up for the trustbusting era

William McKinley: Greatly expanded the positions that fell under the merit system of the Pendleton Act

Theodore Roosevelt: Basically invented the presidential press conference, which made information easier to get to the public

William Taft: Cranked up the trustbusting levels past that of Mr. Trustbuster Theordore Roosevelt

Woodrow Wilson: If he had his way, World War II might have been avoided

Warren Harding: Got all the treaties necessary to actually end WWI

Calvin Coolidge: The KKK lost much political clout, Native Americans were granted full citizenship, and Coolidge felt black people were equal

Herbert Hoover: Well... Man was his pre-presidential career amazing, with the way he used his own money to save people in WWI

Franklin Roosevelt: The New Deal programs led to a much happier country

Harry Truman: Made the decision to drop the atomic bomb, saving an estimated million American soldiers

Dwight Eisenhower: That highway system you drove on the other day? Eisenhower says, "You're welcome."

John Kennedy: Handled the Cuban Missile Crisis brilliantly

Lyndon Johnson: Main Civil Rights president, especially with the Civil Rights Act of 1964

Richard Nixon: Great on the environmental front, with the Clean Air Act and National Environmental Policy Act

Gerald Ford: Established special education

Jimmy Carter: Had the balls to cancel military pay raises due to inflation and vast deficit

Ronald Reagan: Largely responsible for the end of the Cold War

George H.W. Bush: Kicked some Hussein ass

Bill Clinton: Presided over great economic times

George W. Bush: Has greater than 50% approval ratings in the Phillipines and India as of January 2005

Barack Obama: Hasn't been afraid of minority filibusters, acting almost as a party whip for the Democrats to get legislation pushed through




...Okay maybe I still wasn't nice to James Buchanan.

National Day of Prayer

Today, as proclaimed by Barack Obama under law and tradition since 1952, is a National Day of Prayer. A federal judge recently declared the day unconstitutional due to the establishment clause of the First Amendment, which states that Congress won't make a law supporting any religion. 

Days such as the National Day of Jews and National Day of Pastafestrians would thus be unconstitutional due to this. However, prayer is not a religion. In fact, it's a practice across many different religions. Congress and the president have not violated the establishment clause. 

However, if you look through your Supreme Court cases, you'll find Lemon v. Kurtzman, which established the Lemon test. It states laws must have a secular purpose, as well as two other things I forget. The law establishing the National Day of Prayer does not (oh I just remembered another criteria: laws can't support or supress any religions) have a secular purpose, and thus, following the precedent of Lemon v. Kurtzman, is not an acceptable law. 

Since I suspect most of the people who vehemently dislike the ruling that the National Day of Prayer are also believers in judicial restraint, I may have just put many a person in a predicament. 







If they actually were to read this. 

Chester Arthur and Modern Whigs

As were many early Republican leaders, Chester Arthur was initially a member of the Whig Party. In fact, he got into some sort of big fight over some candidate at college some time. Yeah. But he was a Whig.

Today there is a Modern Whig Party. It's not exactly the same as the original. In fact, I'd say it's fairly different since the new one is meant to be moderate while the old one was very sectional (kept mostly to New England) and class-ist (with support mostly from the richer).

Despite the old and new party's differences, I have decided to pull out the main aspects of the Modern Whig platform and analyze how Chester Arthur (as we know him from his presidency) would fit into the party.

*The party platform information has been copied and pasted directly from the Modern Whig Party's website.

FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY - Any action of the government must respect principles of fiscal responsibility and public accountability. Well, I'll be honest. President Arthur was a Republican of the Gilded Age. Monetarily, they weren't the most responsible. He attempted to lower the tariffs, but failed due to Congress marking them up time and time again until there was barely any lowering. Perhaps Chet would fit into this, but I can't be sure.

ENERGY INDEPENDENCE - Develop practical domestic energy sources to reduce dependence on foreign energy sources. This issue wasn't around in the 1880s, so while I'd love to tell you how great Chester Arthur is at energy independence, there is absolutely no criteria on which to analyze this.

STATE'S RESPONSIBILITY - Each state can generally determine its course of action based on local values and unique needs. This is kind of a vague position by the Modern Whig Party. How much is "generally?" I suppose in the eyes of some Chester would fit, in the eyes of others he wouldn't.

SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE - When the government is compelled to legislate morality, every citizen should be considered as equal. STOP SCREAMING CHINESE EXCLUSION ACT OF 1882 AT ME! Look, Arthur vetoed it once. He didn't want the Chinese to be excluded from citizenship. I have yet to figure out why he signed the bill the second time, but I'm sure it has to do with keeping him somewhat on the good side of Congress so he can do things like get the Pendleton Act passed later. I'm willing to vouch for Arthur on this one, I'm willing to bet many others are not.

EDUCATION AND SCIENTIFIC ADVANCEMENT - Increase public and private emphasis on math and science to promote American innovation to compete in the global economy. The Gilded Age was a time of great scientific advancement by Bell and Edison, but the government did little to support this. In fact, it was mostly supported by the rich people with trusts and monopolies and a lot of money. (Score one for laissez faire economics?) I doubt Elegant Arthur would oppose this, but he probably wouldn't support it either.

VETERANS AFFAIRS - Vigilant advocacy relating to the medical, financial, and overall well-being of our military families and veterans. Yeah, Grover Cleveland's pretty much the only Gilded Age president who doesn't fit into this category in the eyes of the people of that time, so Chester fits well enough.

DEVELOP REAL LEADERS - This central tenet of the Party is to help leaders both grow and to exhibit good citizenship through leadership. If Arthur didn't grow and exhibit good citizenship that he was lacking in his years under Conkling, then I couldn't say that anyone ever grows and exhibits good citizenship.

SELF DISCOVERY - As a Whig it is important to always be learning and growing. This means it is the Party's responsibility to pull information together and to help members discover for themselves their stance on any social topic. Chet suddenly found his own stances on topics when he became president and broke from strictly the stalwart faction views.

FOCUS ON LONG TERM PROBLEM SOLVING - We have developed into a reactive nation. The only issues being seriously considered are those who make the top of each media hour, however it is important to be talking about and solving issues that are foreseeable before they are major issues. Buildup of the navy which was sorely undersized and underpowered that led to a much better chance in the Spanish-American War count? I thought so.



So it seems Chester Arthur doesn't fit all that well into the Modern Whig Party looking strictly at these standards. However, you must consider that this party is a moderate party, searching mostly to garner to people with more middle views than either the Republicans or Democrats. Do I think they'd accept Chester Arthur into their party? Of course. Could he run for local office? Probably, especially since it's still a small party. Would they run him for president? Unlikely, since he doesn't encompass the official positions too strictly, but maybe as time passed if the party grew larger.

Chess as a Team and Life

Not all too long ago, I was walking down the hallway to the lobby of my school. I came upon two of my classmates, about to begin a game of chess. I went to the one I consider a friend and asked if he'd like to play chess in alternating turns, no talking about moves of choice, against the fiendish opponent.

He consented, and we played as a team.

Kind of.

You see, before long we found out that he was a bishop person and I was a knight person. That made things difficult for us. Moves I made didn't work well with moves he wanted to make and vice versa. Strategizing was extremely difficult because we didn't think anything like each other. I had to leave before the game was over, so I don't quite know who won, but that's beside the point.

In life, all of our relationships are like this chess play in teams. There are people who are knight people and others who are bishop people. If you're a knight person, you'll have trouble getting along with bishop people. When you two are together, things just don't mesh too well. Your thoughts are too unlike.

However, when a knight person meets another knight person, things may work a little bit better. However, two knight people don't necessarily think exactly the same. In fact, if you do, you'll enjoy the novelty of seeing someone think the same as you, make the same move you would each time. You'll really enjoy that. Then you'll get bored.

The best people in life are the ones who are the same kind of person as you, as with two knight people, but who are still slightly different. I don't have very good pawn structure, so someone who could develop pawns would be a good complement to me. As they do that, I can use my queen maneuvering skills, which perhaps they lack.

The greatest people in life aren't the ones who think the opposite of you, nor the ones who think the same. They're the ones who can fill out your game in life and make you better.

Twitter

The internet is a funny place.

I joined Twitter ages ago. ...Well ages in terms of IST (Internet Standard Time) at least. I had done absolutely nothing with it until a few weeks ago.

I began following some profiles. Two Chester Arthur profiles to be exact. Neither had updated too often or all too recently, but the matter was of principle really. I had chosen to be @chet21fan after all.

It was about this time I realized just how many profiles there are for presidents. With people who either know a bit about them, or at least attempt to be somewhat in character.

With this newfound knowledge, I followed a James Garfield and a Millard Fillmore. More recently, I found an amazing profile: @Mr_Lincoln where someone obsesses over Abe and posts regular updates about the significance of that day in Lincoln's life, how Justin Bieber sucks and people should obsess over a dead president instead, and occasionally some modern political jabbing. Seriously, if you have an account, you should be following him.

I have a funny story about an encounter with Chester Arthur I had a few days ago. He tweeted about how he overheard a conversation where some youths were discussing the gayest president and how his name came up.

Let me take this moment to point out that Chester Arthur was not at all gay. In fact, I suspect he was straighter than half of you reading this. Ellen was a pretty lady. And Chet got it on with her at least enough to have three kids.

I replied to him with the magic of Twitter to tell him to just shout "JAMES BUCHANAN WAS GAY FOR PIERCE'S VICE PRESIDENT," and how it works every time. Historically, it's not technically proven, but just look into it a little. It's basically fact.

I squealed like a teenage girl who had just caught Elvis' scarf... thingy... when Chester Arthur retweeted that and said that he had tried but it didn't work.

So yeah, it was a pretty disappointing conversation.

"The Listeners" by Walter de la Mare

The Poem's text can be found here

"The Listeners" by Walter de la Mare is a poem telling about a traveller reaching a secluded house and twice knocking on the door, with no answer, before leaving. The event leaves many questions, but still manages to hold a strong theme. De la Mare evokes vivid images of the setting and structures the poem to accentuate the time passing for the traveller as he waits.

At the very beginning, the traveller asks if anyone is there as he knocks on the door. Briefly a description of the surroundings is given before he knocks a second time. Now inside the house is chronicled, with those dwelling in it not answering his calls. Fed up, the traveller loudly proclaims to the house to tell that he was there, but got no answer, and that he kept his word. With that, he left, as the listeners made not a sound and let him go.

The first question this event raises has to do with the traveller's presense. Why was he at this house? What word was he keeping by showing up to this secluded house at night? The poem gives no clue to this, nothing to lead us to possible conclusions. However, we still learn a bit about the traveller as a person. He may be considered an honorable man. Whatever he promised, he has attempted to follow through by showing up to this place.

The next question to consider deals with the titular listeners. Who or what are they? This "host of phantom listeners" is never more deeply described. Are they indeed ghosts, or are they silent men? Are they actually many, or one? Or could a phantom listener be one who doesn't exist at all, and is absent from the building? All we can deduce is that the traveller expects someone or something that he has previously had contact with to be inside.

So this man, the traveller, has come out of his way to this house to keep his word, and is only turned away by the silence of the listeners. He made worthy attempt to keep his end of some bargain, but found it impossible to keep when the door was not opened for him.

Likewise, one must put all reasonable effort into each promise, deal, or relationship he or she has. Then, however honorable, there does eventually come a point at which the effort is no longer worth it. For the traveller, he knocked twice before the effort became unreasonable. After that point, it is only worthwhile to move along in life.

Yes, the traveller could well have stood by that door all night, perhaps through the day, knocking and shouting, waiting for the door to be opened. But with his two attempts, he could be sure that he was not going to get inside. The stillness of the listeners did answer his cries, and he understood that answer told him that he was not to wait around.

The listeners represent the people in life who decent people associate with. When they are faced with an honest attempt to do good, though, they don't allow this to be completed. They prevent it with their silence, by being essentially absent. The theme shows that when one comes across such listeners, one cannot be bothered to wait around forever, and that there are better things to do. It is unwise to waste time reaching to great lengths when there will be no results.

Consolidation Plan

It is with a heavy heart that I bring the news to you that Presidential Ranting and Sciency Science Stuff will no longer exist in the world as we know it. They have been consolidated with the greater school of thought in my mind.

You see, I felt so limited by Presidential Ranting's promise of things about presidents. I often wanted to write about politics, other aspects of history, and I think I wanted to write about world flags once. None of this was technically presidential though.

In addition, Sciency Science Stuff never took off. Science isn't a great blog.

So to save my blogging abilities from destruction, these two blogs have been combined into this new Agglomerated Musings blog. I can write about ANYTHING.

That's right, no longer are my blogs about a single unifying theme, I have indeed become one of the internet masses. Now my blog in no way stands out and my audience will never expand past my circle of friends, no matter how hard I try!


The only other thing I have to say is Poetic Thoughts in Poetic Form is still separate from this.

Paper Towel Absorbancy

My sister finished her science fair project today. She did the classic "Which paper towel brand best absorbs water?" experiment.

There were a number of things she did wrong.

Her procedure was basically have a square (27 cm x 27 cm) of each of the three brands and put each one into a liter of water. Then she kept it in for some amount of time, I'm not sure the exact amount, and removed it, looking at the new level of water to figure out how much was absorbed. Lather, rinse, repeat so you did each brand thrice.

My first issue is technically she should've had a control experiment where she had a liter of water and stared at it for the same amount of time to ensure that evaporation was insignificant. I do, however, acknowledge that this is probably okay to skip for a middle school science fair.

The next issue, which is significantly more major, is the container she used measured in increments of 50 mL, and the absorbency was always less than 150 mL. She should've used a more precise measuring device. Personally, I think the best way to measure how much it absorbed would be to take the weight of the dry paper towel and then wet paper towel, but we don't have any scales precise enough for that.

The third issue is dripping water from the paper towels. Should the water that's pulled out but not fully absorbed count towards the absorbency? It seems far more logical to allow the paper towel to drip off back into the container for, say 15 seconds, before taking your measurements. This way, only what the paper towel is actually holding onto counts.

The fourth and most important issue is no one should do this experiment anymore unless they're working for a paper towel company and want to make claims of superior absorbency.

Suggested Titles for the President

Today, we take "President of the United States" for granted. When the position was fresh, before the White House (another name we take for granted!) was even completed, when Washington was beginning to set his precedents, there was great debate over a proper title for the head of the United States of America.

John Adams, then Vice President, was a fan of more royalistic and fancy titles. "His Majesty the President" or "His High Mightiness" were two possibilities coming from him.

At this point, I want you all to imagine referring to "His High Mightiness George W. Bush."

You now appreciate this title not taking root.

There was also suggestion of "His Elective Majesty." While this title has that democratic ring to it, I want to know who exactly came up with this one and what drug they were on. That sounds like a horrible title. It's not my bias against calling the president Majesty in any form, it's just that title has no flow at all.

Now, the best suggestion of the time was "His Highness the President of the United States of America and Protector of the Rights of the Same."

I find the use of "of the Same" to be rather tacky, and think perhaps "His Highness the President of the United States of America and Protector of the Rights of the United States of America" would have been a more elegant suggestion.

Despite all this lively debate about a simple title, we know today that "President of the United States" won the debate. Why? All of this took place in the Senate. The House of Representatives quickly decided to use this title, and the Senate eventually decided to just agree with them.

While John Adams was arguably the main catalyst for this debate, the Vice President had no such debate over titles. Benjamin Franklin suggested "His Superfluous Excellency."

While he was being sarcastic, we should adopt this title ASAP.

President of the United States Barack Obama and His Superfluous Excellency Joe Biden!

Re: Chester Arthur Sucks

If it wasn't clear: APRIL FOOLS!

But it was pretty clear.

I now intend to refute every point I made yesterday, and redefend Chester Arthur's honor.

"It all starts off with his time as the Collector of the Port of New York. He made a salary higher than that of the president, but you know that a good portion of it never stayed with him but went instead to the Republicans and the Conkling machine."

Well, that's all true. I'm not too proud of Collector Arthur. However, it is said that even during this time, the peak of his corruption, Arthur looked out for the people working under him in the Port of New York. So while he was as much a part of the political machinery as anyone, he was still a decent man.

"He was far more corrupt than Grant's administration had been. All he ever did was work more stubbornly than the Republicans of today to continue the spoils system and allow jobs to continue on patronage. When he was Garfield's VP, he constantly fought against the president's work. Arthur wasn't looking for the nation's interests, he was looking only for Roscoe Conkling's favor."

He was a pretty awful Vice President. He reminds me of John Calhoun almost, so in conflict with his President. I can't say he was looking only for Roscoe Conkling's favor, as Conkling never wanted him to take the job at all, but he was supremely Stalwart against the views of Half-Breed Garfield.

"Then think about the time he spent as president. He found out that he was dying of Bright's disease so he probably decided it was time for him to leave a better impression of himself for history. That's when he worked to end the spoils system. He knew it could never benefit him again. Dead men get no patronage. (Surely Arthur made some dead men vote for Stalwarts in his day, though.)"

Hey, who cares why he worked to end the spoils system? Honestly, I don't believe it's due to the Bright's disease. I think he realized, as he is oft (by standards of Gilded Age presidents) quoted that he was one man and the POTUS was another. He saw the greatness of the office and worked to live up to it.

"But he also allowed a bill that completely banned naturalization and immigration of Chinese people for 10 years, subject to extension? You can't tell me that's a good bill in any way. It's discrimination, mandated by the government. Reconstruction ended two presidents ago, with Hayes, the man who fired Arthur from the Port of New York due to corruption, and now Arthur works to help support a new racial divide forming? Just because the blacks have been freed doesn't mean the country needs a new set of hated people."

Arthur first vetoed the Chinese Exclusion Act. It called for a 20 year renewable banning of immigration and naturalization for the Chinese people. This veto brought the 20 years down to 10. I've never been able to figure out why Arthur signed this version. In my opinion, the best course of action would have been a second veto. Perhaps he knew the nation's hatred of the Chinese was great and that the veto would be overridden, but still let it become law without your signature, at least. But Arthur clearly wasn't the racist one here, due to the initial veto. He had worked for civil rights of blacks as a lawyer before the Civil War, he wasn't likely to turn around and discriminate against another race.

"When you really consider it, Chester A. Arthur was a horrible man, and by far one of the worst presidents of all time.

Hell, he probably wasn't even a real American. Probably born in freaking Canada."

There's so much greatness of Chester Arthur. His years as teacher, as brigadier (acting Quartermaster) general, his turnaround from corruption as president. As for him being one of the worst presidents of all time, some may argue that. I personally find him to be generally underrated and actually a really good president for the times he was in.



I must admit however, I'm not yet convinced that he was actually born in America.

Chester Arthur Sucks

Okay, I admit it. Chester Arthur is, has been, and always will be just a joke. How could such a horrible president be my favorite?

It all starts off with his time as the Collector of the Port of New York. He made a salary higher than that of the president, but you know that a good portion of it never stayed with him but went instead to the Republicans and the Conkling machine.

He was far more corrupt than Grant's administration had been. All he ever did was work more stubbornly than the Republicans of today to continue the spoils system and allow jobs to continue on patronage. When he was Garfield's VP, he constantly fought against the president's work. Arthur wasn't looking for the nation's interests, he was looking only for Roscoe Conkling's favor.

Then think about the time he spent as president. He found out that he was dying of Bright's disease so he probably decided it was time for him to leave a better impression of himself for history. That's when he worked to end the spoils system. He knew it could never benefit him again. Dead men get no patronage. (Surely Arthur made some dead men vote for Stalwarts in his day, though.)

But he also allowed a bill that completely banned naturalization and immigration of Chinese people for 10 years, subject to extension? You can't tell me that's a good bill in any way. It's discrimination, mandated by the government. Reconstruction ended two presidents ago, with Hayes, the man who fired Arthur from the Port of New York due to corruption, and now Arthur works to help support a new racial divide forming? Just because the blacks have been freed doesn't mean the country needs a new set of hated people.

When you really consider it, Chester A. Arthur was a horrible man, and by far one of the worst presidents of all time.

Hell, he probably wasn't even a real American. Probably born in freaking Canada.

Making a Pig Fly

There are two major methods of making a pig fly.

The first is messing with genetics. This is very complex.

You take a bunch of genes out of a pig and put them into a bacteria, and you get a nice strand of DNA with all the pig stuff you want in the bacteria. Then you extract it from the bacteria and put it into a standard housefly population. Allow reproduction.

Some individuals should retain the pig DNA. You now have pig flies.

The second method is much more fun.

Take two pieces of wood and fashion them into wings. Use a method of your choice to attach these wings to the pig's back.

Next, secure rockets. The bigger, the better. Point them away from the pig's head and attach as appropriate.

Give the pig a running start for best results, then have the rockets go off. Make sure there's some upward thrust, but then the wings should take care of the rest.

If all goes well, the pig should now be flying.

PST2 Round 4 and 5 and Closing Cerimonies

ROUND 4
1 Abraham Lincoln (6'4'', 52) 22 Barack Obama (6'1'', 47)
Abraham Lincoln worked to free the blacks, and it comes back to bite him as Barack makes some buckets and defeats Lincoln. Lincoln continues to be racist.

4 Theodore Roosevelt (5'10'', 42) 13 Andrew Jackson (6'1'', 61)
What Roosevelt lacks in height, he makes up for in youth. He speaks softly, but carries big game over Jackson.

7 Thomas Jefferson (6'2.5'', 57) 11 Lyndon Johnson (6'3.5'', 55)
Landslide Lyndon squeaks by. I have no witty way to relate this to him stealing his Senate race without being blatant or completely unfunny.

ROUND 5
Each of the remaining three will play both of the other two.
22 Barack Obama (6'1'', 47) 4 Theodore Roosevelt (5'10'', 42)
Theodore Roosevelt is as strong as a Bull Moose, and he puts so much effort into the game that Obama loses, barely.

11 Lyndon Johnson (6'3.5'', 55) 22 Barack Obama (6'1'', 47)
Lyndon Johnson may have the height advantage, but Barack is just better at moving himself around the court. Barack wins easily.

4 Theodore Roosevelt (5'10'', 42) 11 Lyndon Johnson (6'3.5'', 55)
Again, Johnson finds he cannot keep up with his opponent and is soundly defeated by Theodore Roosevelt.


As TR is 2-0, Obama 1-1, and LBJ 0-2, Theodore Roosevelt is declared the official Presidential Super Tournament 2 victor, with Barack Obama as runner up.

Congrats, TR!

PST2 Round 3

I have received my first ultimatum for who "has to" win. Also, I gave the bye in this round to whoever was the sixth matchup because I didn't want to give it to Lincoln again.

1 Abraham Lincoln (6'4'', 52) 35 Herbert Hoover (5'11.5'', 54)
Lincoln absolutely dominates this game with his height. Hoover then finds himself in a state of great depression.

2 George Washington (6'2'', 57) 22 Barack Obama (6'1'', 47)
Obama outmaneuvers Washington or "jukes" him as those hoodlum children say in the ghetto.

4 Theodore Roosevelt (5'10'', 42) 15 Bill Clinton (6'2'', 46)
Bill Clinton has stronger defense and Theodore Roosevelt has stronger offense. In the end, TR pulls out a win as Bill becomes distracted by a pack of interns walking by.

7 Thomas Jefferson (6'2.5'', 57) 14 James Monroe (6', 58)
I declare these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, except when Thomas Jefferson is 2.5 inches taller and a year younger and can defeat James Monroe in basketball.

8 Dwight Eisenhower (5'10.5'', 62) 13 Andrew Jackson (6'1'', 61)
War of 1812 vs. WWII generals. Eisenhower's a bit more easygoing, and loses to the hardcore Jackson. Eisenhower prefers golf anyway.

11 Lyndon Johnson (6'3.5'', 55) BYE
Shame such height couldn't play this round.


Round 4 tomorrow.

PST 2 Round 2

1 Abraham Lincoln (6'4'', 52) 42 Andrew Johnson (5'10'', 56)
Abraham Lincoln submits the final vote to impeach Johnson and remove him from this tournament, as he stuffs him shot after shot with his vast height advantage.

2 George Washington (6'2'', 57) 39 Warren Harding (6', 55)
The game is tight until technical fouls go against Harding due to the Ohio Gang's illicit activity on the sidelines. Washington pulls away and wins it.

4 Theodore Roosevelt (5'10'', 42) 36 John Tyler (6', 51)
John Tyler is largely ineffective, and Theodore Roosevelt takes over his territory, pulling away with an easy win.

5 Harry Truman (5'9'', 60) 35 Herbert Hoover (5'11.5'', 54)
Truman finds himself helpless in this game without any atomic bombs to drop.

7 Thomas Jefferson (6'2.5'', 57) 29 James Garfield (6', 49)
As Garfield walks through the entrance, Charles Guiteau pops out behind him and shoots him twice. Garfield is declared unable to play and Jefferson wins by default.

8 Dwight Eisenhower (5'10.5'', 62) 28 Richard Nixon (5'11.5'', 56)
Eisenhower leads 12-4 after 4 minutes, and Nixon resigns.

11 Lyndon Johnson (6'3.5'', 55) 27 Calvin Coolidge (5'10'', 51)
Lyndon Johnson dominates with his height advantage over Coolidge. Cal is left without a word to say.

12 James Polk (5'8'', 49) 22 Barack Obama (6'1'', 47)
The audience shouts "54-40 or fight!" for Polk. Why they wanted this exact score is unclear. However, their shout doesn't reflect Polk's views, who doesn't want a fight, and loses, 49-40.

13 Andrew Jackson (6'1'', 61) 21 Grover Cleveland (5'11'', 55)
Ol' Grover just doesn't have the military experience to keep up with Jackson's flanking and frontal assault and the pistol pointing didn't hurt Jackson's game either.

14 James Monroe (6', 58) 20 James Madison (5'4'', 57)
Madison was so small he couldn't get a single shot in over Monroe. He attempts to write an amendment to the Constitution making people over 5'11'' illegal, but the states don't approve it.

15 Bill Clinton (6'2'', 46) 19 John Quincy Adams (5'7.5'', 57)
Well, Bill Clinton is taller and younger. Also, he's said to be the "First Black President" so he must be good at basketball.

And he drinks some Kool-Aid in the breaks too.




Round 3 tomorrow.

PST2 Round 1

NOTE: I realized President Obama is not included in the C-SPAN Survey, so I seeded him 22, in the middle of the pack, and shifted everyone else down. Why 22, you ask? Because I darn well said so. Also because I didn't want to put him last and have butthurt people/people going DAMN STRAIGHT.

1 Abraham Lincoln (6'4'', 52) BYE

2 George Washington (6'2'', 57) 43 James Buchanan (6', 65)
Let's be honest with ourselves here. George Washington is younger, a bit taller, and likely more active. Buchanan doesn't stand a chance against him in basketball, and goes home to cry to his shrine to William Rufus King.

3 Franklin Roosevelt (6'2'', 51) 42 Andrew Johnson (5'10'', 56)
Franklin Roosevelt's in a wheelchair. Haha, easy win for you, eh Johnson?

4 Theodore Roosevelt (5'10, 42) 41 Franklin Pierce (5'10, 48)
Same height, close enough in age. It comes down to who's more of a man. Who can push harder? We all know ol' TR has pushed through harder things than Franklin Pierce. Hell, he'd beat him in basketball while being shot at and charging up a hill.

5 Harry Truman (5'9'', 60) 40 William Harrison (5'8, 68)
Painful game to watch. Truman wins 2-0.

6 John Kennedy (6', 43) 39 Warren Harding (6', 55)
Kennedy doesn't have a leg to stand on in this matchup. BADUM TISH!

7 Thomas Jefferson (6'2.5'', 57) 38 Millard Fillmore (5'9'', 50)
Taller Jefferson blocks Fillmore's attempts at compromise and dominates the game.

8 Dwight Eisenhower (5'10.5'', 62) 37 George W. Bush (5'11.5'', 54)
Very interesting game of basketball. Height difference is negligible, age difference can be discounted because you expect former General Eisenhower to be pretty fit. In the end, I like Ike in this matchup.

9 Woodrow Wilson (5'11, 56) 36 John Tyler (6', 51)
Woodrow Wilson tries to win, but Congress declares Tyler winner in name and fact.

10 Ronald Reagan (6'1, 69) 35 Herbert Hoover (5'11.5'', 54)
Reagan may have the height advantage, but Hoover can't remember the day of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Reagan soon forgets that he ever played this game.

11 Lyndon Johnson (6'3.5'', 55) 34 Rutherford Hayes (5'8.5'', 54)
Lyndon Johnson's just too tall to be outscored by Hayes. Hayes is proud of himself at first, but then finds out when you have less points, Congress doesn't create a Basketball Commission to determine that you're the winner.

12 James Polk (5'8, 49) 33 Chester Arthur (6'2'', 51)
Arthur's height can't overcome his weight and Polk outmaneuvers him to make buckets. Arthur then takes a nap after his defeat.

13 Andrew Jackson (6'1'', 61) 32 Martin Van Buren (5'6'', 54)
Andrew Jackson is taller AND more badass. Wins and proceeds to beat Van Buren with his cane.

14 James Monroe (6', 58) 31 Benjamin Harrison (5'6'', 55)
Monroe declares that no Gilded Age powers can colonize on his court and easily defeats Harrison.

15 Bill Clinton (6'2'', 46) 30 Zachary Taylor (5'8'', 64)
Clinton's youth and height make this game easy for him. Taylor storms off the court and has cold milk and cherries to cheer up.

16 William McKinley (5'7'', 54) 29 James Garfield (6', 49)
McKinley is assassinated by James Garfield. Charles Guiteau is in the audience with his Bulldog with the ivory handle, but decides not to shoot as it would be too traumatic at this point.

17 John Adams (5'7'', 61) 28 Richard Nixon (5'11.5'', 56)
Nixon scrapes out a win. His staff then proceeds to break into Adams' home.

18 George H.W. Bush (6'2'', 64) 27 Calvin Coolidge (5'10, 51)
Coolidge is a little younger and a little more mobile, scraping out a win over the PST1 winner. He has no comment on his victory.

19 John Quincy Adams (5'7.5'', 57) 26 Jimmy Carter (5'9.5'', 52)
John Quincy Adams wins by throwing a swamp rabbit at Carter.

20 James Madison (5'4'', 57) 25 William Taft (5'11.5'', 51)
Taft's big, but can't move. "Shorty" Madison has trouble getting the ball into the basket. Eventually he gets a few in and proves that the bigger they are, the harder they fall when you trip them, all in one fell swoop.

21 Grover Cleveland (5'11'', 55) 24 Ulysses Grant (5'8, 46)
Grant's more mobile, but he's also more drunk. Cleveland wins.

22 Barack Obama (6'1, 47) 23 Gerald Ford (6', 61)
Obama wins. I'm trying so hard not to say it's because he's black though.






Round 2 tomorrow.

PST2 Matchups

Well, I'll be completely honest with you.

I couldn't figure out how to do a 43-man bracket.

Laugh all you want. Yes, yes.

However, I still have a fair way to make matches for this. The seeding will still be determined by C-SPAN's 2009 Presidential Rankings. The highest seeds will always play the lowest seeds.

Let the one-on-one basketball begin tomorrow.

Abraham Lincoln gets a first-round bye, for being top seed.

The Seasons

With the rapidly approaching vernal equinox, I thought I'd get into the spirit of the season and talk about seasons.

But is spring actually approaching?

What we call spring should not be defined as such. Think for a moment of the Earth as it travels around the Sun. Spring and fall each begin with an equinox, when the Sun is directly over a point of the Equator. Summer and winter each begin with a solstice, when the Sun is furthest from the Equator.

But these definitions are stupid. We say that the three months after each of these events is a season.

It makes far more sense to define the seasons as 1.5 months on either side of the celestial event. The vernal equinox should occur IN THE MIDDLE of spring, not at the beginning!

Think I'm crazy? Consider summer and winter. These are supposed to be the times of most extreme weather, hot and cold. However, the days theoretically hottest and coldest (with all other variables removed) would be the solstices and the days surrounding them. Why do we call the days leading up to the summer solstice spring, when they're part of those hottest days?

So maybe for you, spring begins tomorrow afternoon. But for me, it began over a month ago.

March Madness: PST2

At one point or another, we've all found ourselves pondering the United States Presidents and thinking "Who would win in a one-on-one basketball tournament?"

Well, boy, do I have some good news for you.

I'm going to answer that question for you over the next weeks in...

PRESIDENTIAL SUPER TOURNAMENT 2:
One-on-one Basketball

I'll make up a proper bracket and post it tomorrow, but let me put forth a list of assumptions we will make for the sake of this tournament.

1. Everyone knows the rules of basketball.
2. The fitness of each man is determined by the time during his presidency.
3. The ref is from Switzerland.

And so, no longer will you have to ponder whether Abe Lincoln was master of the dribble, or if George Washington was makin' buckets, or if James Buchanan could play with balls.

(Presidents will be seeded by their position in C-Span's latest presidential ranking list.)

Who was the best president of the Gilded Age?

Recently, I put on a test about the Gilded Age the following essay question:
"Who was the best president of the Gilded Age? Why?"

I got answers of Grant, Garfield, Arthur, Cleveland, and Harrison. Sorry, Rutherford B. Hayes. Nobody loves you, apparently.

To be fair, about half of the people who said Arthur only said so because "He's Jay's favorite president and Jay is smart and Jay wouldn't like a bad president."

To this essay, I commented something along the lines of thinking that Cleveland is the best president of the Gilded Age and that Arthur is indeed my favorite, but not the greatest.

Why is Cleveland the best president of the era? In short, because he made good moves regardless of political gain. No one else really seemed very successful at this, except maybe Arthur. But Cleveland had something that Arthur lacked, and that's people who'd renominate him.

Starting in the election, Cleveland knew how to handle himself. The election of 1884 was one of the greatest mud-slinging festivals in history. "Ma, ma, where's my Pa?" yelled Republicans. Cleveland had a bastard child. And so, he stood up and admitted what he had done. The people seem to have forgiven him, as he defeated James G. Blaine of Maine.

In his first term, Cleveland found a surplus. Can you believe that? A national surplus. No debt of trillions of dollars. No debt at all. Negative debt, in fact! But, along the lines of Hamiltonian thinking, Cleveland was embarrassed by this extra money lying around and wanted to get rid of it. (This wasn't immediately accomplished, but the Billion Dollar Congress during Harrison's term sure lost the money.)

In the same term, he also took a firm stand on the place of government in people's lives. There was a drought in Texas and Cleveland vetoed a bill to give Texan farmers seeds. "Though the people should support the government, the government should not support the people." This statement can't be a popular thing to say, but Ol' Grover takes a stand against the strong Congress and wins this round.

Like many other presidents of the era, Cleveland attempted to lower the tariff rates. But Congress wasn't losing this round. As happened to other presidents, Congress starts with a nice low tariff bill and then tacks on more and more until it's basically the exact opposite of what Cleveland wanted. Congress does win this round.

However, as I said, Cleveland is not the only president this happened to. Harrison would soon sign the McKinley Tariff, the highest in our nation's history. Arthur attempted to lower rates, but Congress would only almost negligibly lower them.

Cleveland also made a very important move for decreasing sectionalism in politics. His cabinet had two former Confederates in it. It may seem to you that "Well it was 20 years since the Civil War, obviously no one cares anymore about former Confederates." Well, that's not really true. It had only been 8 years since Reconstruction had ended, and Jim Crow laws ran rampant in the South, along with grandfather clauses and literacy tests, anything to keep down the blacks almost as they had been pre-Civil War. The South and North were vastly different and were voting vastly differently. Cleveland began to soothe the tension.

Speaking of the Civil War, veterans really really wanted nice pensions. Congress and the presidents were generally satisfied to give these men such pensions. But Cleveland was the first president since Andrew Johnson to not be a Civil War veteran himself and had no problem vetoing bills for these pensions.

Of course, Cleveland lost to Benjamin Harrison in 1888. But he still won the popular vote, and came back to win the election of 1892.

In his second term, Cleveland no longer had to worry about an embarrassing surplus. Instead, he could take solace in the Panic of 1893. As always, overspeculation is the main cause of this depression. But a greater problem arose during this depression for Cleveland.

People were exchanging their old greenbacks for gold currency. The banks were required by law to give away the gold. The Treasury's gold reserve kept shrinking and shrinking. It shrank below the "safe" level of $100 million.

Cleveland makes the most unpopular and most necessary move of either of his terms. He goes to rich man J.P. Morgan and buys $65 million worth of gold from him. People think the government has sold out, but Cleveland quite possibly saved the United States economy.

In conclusion, Cleveland is clearly the greatest president of the Gilded Age. He's not top 10 overall material, but for the time he was in, he did a phenomenal job. He wasn't afraid of making unpopular moves that he felt were right, and he avoided scandals and corruption. If he were to run for president today, I'd seriously consider him as worthy of my vote.

Science Jokes

DISCLAIMER: I'm not original and yes, I did copy and paste these.

Two atoms were walking down the street. One turns to the other and says,
"Oh, no! I think I'm an ion!"
The other responds, "Are you sure?!?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"



Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
A: Pull down its genes.



When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.



You enter the laboratory and see an experiment.
How will you know which class is it?
If it's green and wiggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.

Song Review: "Washy Ad Jeffy"

Link to the song

Downloadable legally AND free on Jonathan Coulton's website

Lyrics:

Washy Ad Jeffy
Maddy Monroe
Ad Jackson Van Hair
Ty Po Tay Phil Pear
Bu Lincoln John Grant2
Hayes Gar Thur and Cleve
Hair Cleve and McKin
Roosevelt Taft
Wilson Hard Coolidge
Hoov Franklin Roosevelt Truman Ikey
Ken Johnson Nixon Ford Cart Reagan Bush
Clinton Dubya

And maybe you someday
And if you do they’ll say
What a fine president you made

Washy Ad Jeffy
Maddy Monroe
Ad Jackson Van Hair
Ty Po Tay Phil Pear
Bu Lincoln John Grant2
Hayes Gar Thur and Cleve
Hair Cleve and McKin
Roosevelt Taft
Wilson Hard Coolidge
Hoov Franklin Roosevelt Truman Ikey
Ken Johnson Nixon Ford Cart Reagan Bush
Clinton Dubya


First, let me acknowledge that this song lacks Obama. It's old, okay? Deal with it.

This song is meant to be a mnemonic device for remembering not only the presidents, but how many terms they served. (The number of syllables in their name is the number of terms they served. Ex: Dub-ya = 2 terms)

As a mnemonic, it fails.

It's easier to just go in and learn the information straight up. Honestly, I knew it ahead of time and had more trouble recalling the lyrics to the song even though I listened to it time and time again, back to back some of these times.

Musically, though, the light guitar and vocals are appealing.

If examined solely as a song, it's decent. If examined as a learning tool, don't bother with it.

High five!

A recent study on the language of touch in human interactions suggests that touch can express emotion more fully and more quickly than other forms of non-verbal communication.

It is important to note with this the universality of some non-verbal cues. An obvious example is punching someone in the face. This generally indicates anger. Generally. Certain facial expressions, such as smiling, are biologically programmed to correlate to emotions, not learned from our environment.

Over time, numerous studies have been run on the science of positive touch and performance in humans. It's been shown to make students volunteer more in their classes, to improve performance in the NBA, and prevent diarrhea.

Okay, I made that last one up. But I really wish I hadn't.

But the most interesting point is what a caring touch does chemically inside of our bodies. Something like a high five raises levels of oxytocin and lowers levels of cortisol. Oxytocin brings trust, while cortisol brings stress.

So are you feeling stressed? Go out and get yourself a high five.

The Alternate History Project

Recently two broad historical topics have been quite prevalent in my mind.

The first is the Gilded Age. I'm getting closer and closer to teaching a chapter about it, so I've read the chapter and made a few notes and such. In addition, I've been reading up on it from outside sources including a whole book on the time period and a whole book on the Chester Arthur.

The second, and more relevant to this post, is alternate history scenarios.

This is an extremely broad topic. It covers everything from George Washington isn't elected unanimously by the Electoral College in 1792 to John Wilkes Booth gets away, meets Chester Arthur's wife, and plots to replace Chester Arthur. However, the second category of vast changes to the timeline are uninteresting to me.

Two major groups of alternate history are what I enjoy. First, I find interesting the scenarios of slight, believable change to what happened. For instance, it is a slight, believable change to have Samuel Tilden win the Election of 1876. (To be fair, our timeline has the unbelievable scenario...)

Also in this group falls presidents who died not dying, or some presidents who did not die actually dying. Examples include the assassination attempt on Andrew Jackson succeeding, JFK not being assassinated, Warren Harding surviving his full term, and Chester Arthur dying of Bright's Disease while in office.

The second major group I enjoy is placing a president at a different point in history. You've had small tastes of this one with the Presidential Super Tournament, the two "What would (President) do?" posts, and some other sprinklings here and there. However, most of these have put presidents into modern times. What about moving Millard Fillmore to 1880? That's just as interesting a scenario, if not more interesting, when making considerations.

And so you probably wonder why this is referred to as a project in the blog title. Well, it's the next big gimmick. All... I'm not even going to estimate how many people are reading my blog anymore... of you get to decide what alternate event I get to take a more in depth look at. Poll will open tomorrow with 4 possible choices. It'll last for a fortnight, then I'll begin research and be done in a fortnight after that.

God help us all.

Elements 93+

If one were to look at a periodic table of the elements, one would find over 100 different named elements. (In fact, 112 was recently officially named by the IUPAC as copernicium with the symbol Cn.) However, only elements 1-92 are naturally found in the environment, with the exceptions of 43 (technetium) and 61 (promethium), which are for some reason never found either.

Of the elements 93 and above, I know of uses for two of them off the top of my head. Plutonium (atomic number 94) is used for bombs and flux capacitors (of course, later Mr. Coffee is some sort of biological fuel source replacing the plutonium...). Americium (atomic number 95) is used in smoke detectors.

I will admit this is probably not an extensive list of all the elements above 92 that are useful. However, still the majority of these synthetic elements are extremely radioactive with extremely short half lives. In fact, you'd be lucky to randomly select an isotope of one of these elements and have it last more than a minute.

So much money is wasted on trying to create these atoms, but if they have no practical use, why bother making more and more? Try to revolutionize usage of the natural elements for some actual problems in the world instead! Maybe the full potential of molybdenum (atomic number 42) hasn't been found yet, or maybe xenon's (atomic number 54) reactions with oxygen and flourine atoms (atomic numbers 8 and 9) could be put to use.

Yes, both the scenario I put down and the scenario I proposed have potential. However, the latter is significantly cheaper and shows more immediate promise, as no synthetic atoms aren't radioactive.

So yeah, maybe it's cool for chemists to theorize about getting a completely new level of electrons and a new block on the periodic table as the new electron levels would arrange in a new way, but leave that to theory, don't waste time and money on creating a new noble gas ununoctium (temporary name for atomic number 118) and beyond. Make what we have better.

Intro to Sciencey Science Stuff

Well, I have some friends who aren't too fond of Chemistry. I've helped here and there with Chemistry homework or just general ideas.

Well, one friend finally asked for a science blog.

Here is a science blog.

Initially, yes, I did consider making it all about Chemistry. But let's be honest, who'd read a post about Copernicium? (Even if it is freshly named.)

As a result, all four major sciences are fair game--Earth Science, Biology, Chemistry, and Physics.

I'll try to keep a little bit of each coming through the blog.


Otherwise, just wish me luck. And you better darn well appreciate this, Emily.

Time is of the Essence

Abraham Lincoln is, in my opinion, the greatest president we've ever had. However, I've never been shy to say that John Wilkes Booth is responsible for him being so great. Lincoln's handling of the Civil War was well done and he managed to save the Union.

However, Andrew Johnson is generally considered an extremely poor president. He generally attempted to follow Abraham Lincoln's general Reconstruction plan.

Had Lincoln not been killed, his Reconstruction would have made him seem less of a great president. Yes, unlike Johnson, he would have likely had more influence over Congress to get things passed, but his plan would still be generally disliked and often fought by the men of Congress.

On the other end of the spectrum, James Buchanan is the worst president of all time. However, had he been president in place of Theodore Roosevelt, he would have been great. Had he been president in place of James Polk, he would have done fine. Had he been president in place of Woodrow Wilson, things would turn out okay.

James Buchanan's great work in international affairs is often forgotten while considering his horrid handling of the sectional conflict arising between North and South with imminent consequence clear. But if we take the Civil War out of the picture and place Buchanan in a time of more expansionism or need for allies, Buchanan would prove adept at international relations and perform admirably.

And so as a president is examined in terms of history, it is often interesting to see some of the what ifs. Maybe you place them at a different point in time. Maybe you change an event slightly, creating an alternate history, but not so vast that the Alien Space Bats have to create the timeline. The results are often not what you'd expect from examining them solely in our exact timeline.

Happy Presidents' Day

Well, this is my fifth and final blog post of the day. We've seen the presidents from Grant to McKinley, then Millard Fillmore, then a second dose of Chester Arthur, then a top 10 list excusing myself for laziness. And so I was wondering, how should I finish out Presidents' Day on a Presidential blog?

Well, I had many considerations. They included some more Chester Arthur, a poem about all the presidents (which I tried, but didn't work out too well), Barack Obama (but I'm not too big on writing about current events without direct correlation to past ones)...

And so I settled on a general message about the holiday again.

Presidents' Day is unappreciated in today's society. We treat it as an excuse for a three day weekend.

But you have to remember that we have 43 different men who've led our country and that each and every one of them contributed something to what we are today.

Yes, even William Henry Harrison.

We need to really consider the impacts of these men at some point in our lives, if but for a moment.

And for Presidents' Day, celebrate one of the guys who doesn't get recognition. Washington and Lincoln don't need more celebration, they've got national monuments! Think about the guys who lead up to the Civil War and what they did to try and put it off. Consider the ideas of the men who couldn't stop it. Think of the Gilded Age presidents and see what they did to try to fight corruption and how a fight against it can result in more corruption or how a corrupt man is the most effective weapon to end it.

Presidents are important for as long as our country survives. Don't let their names fade away into obscurity, because they helped mold the world around you.

Top 10: Reasons I haven't updated Presidential Ranking

10. Let's be honest, it wasn't interesting to read every week slight changes to a list.

9. How much ranting was involved?

8. I got lazy.

7. I couldn't stand to drop Chester Arthur further down!

6. Okay, we get it, Abraham Lincoln is number one!

5. It was a lot of research involved...

4. It's more fun to read other peoples' lists and see how I disagree.

3. I'm not really that great of a historian.

2. Feedback was minimal, and without help it's a tough undertaking.

1. Hell, other stuff is way more fun to blog about.

To Psychiatric Times Magazine

Song Review: "Why Millard Fillmore Sucked"

Well, this song comes from a series of Why Every President Sucked so, let me acknowledge here that they are biased.

Link to the song

Lyrics:

Let’s have a compromise
Just ignore those cries you hear
It’s nothing at all
Just the sound of freedom giving way to fear

Let’s have a compromise
Just ignore those cries
Runaway slave, you gotta come back now

It’s a lose-lose, not a win-win-win
Which we all know would be the best
But if we all give a little
We can all be miserable
I can see that you’re impressed

Millard Fillmore is my name
There’s a reason you’ve never heard of me before




The final couplet strikes me immediately. I hate that no one has heard of Millard Fillmore. In fact, I believe tvtropes.com characterizes him as "famous for being obscure." I think Millard Fillmore was a pretty poor president generally, but a lot of that is due to the times and not the man.

The song focuses on the Compromise of 1850, which admittedly is the major accomplishment of Fillmore's administration. However, I disagree with the calling it lose-lose. In fact, it managed to push by the Civil War, albeit by maybe a decade, but that's better than not doing anything about it COUGHCOUGHJAMESBUCHANANCOUGHCOUGH.

Millard Fillmore spent the majority of his presidential years working to appease both sections of the country. Compromise and saving the Union were key to him. However, he also asserted American neutrality despite it having negative political implications with the German-American demographic. In addition, he sent Commodore Perry to Japan which would open trade with them. And he began the White House library.

So Millard Fillmore gets a lot of negative outlooks, but he really wasn't all that bad. In fact, I defy this song and say Millard Fillmore did not suck.

I must give the song credit, though. It's very appealing to the ear.

Civil War Experience

Not long ago, I was discussing with my friends the effectiveness of commanding generals as presidents. But that's another blog.

This blog begins with the effectiveness of a single general. Ulysses S. Grant, the nation's 18th president. He was the greatest Union general of the Civil War, and one of the top generals in our history. However, as president, he proved to be a poor judge of character and was generally ineffective. In fact, I would argue that he was the worst president of the Gilded Age (which includes Grant through McKinley).

And so this got me thinking, could greatness in the Civil War be inversely proportional to greatness in the Executive Branch?

The next president, Rutherford B. Hayes, reached the rank of brigadier general and was brevetted major general by the end of the war. He was wounded 5 times. He had some military successes. And, like Grant, he was a pretty poor president.

Next up is James Garfield. He became a brigadier general sooner than Hayes and worked as Chief of Staff under Rosecrans, commander of the Army of Cumberland. Garfield was a good president until he got shot. So he actually didn't get much done.

Chester Arthur was too, brigadier general. He was eventually quatermaster general for New York. He saw no combat, but his years of organizing New York to send troops to battle are often said to be his best. He was, however, removed from the position in 1863 for political reasons. As president, he had two major positive accomplishments, one major poor decision, and was otherwise uneventful. He probably ranks as the second best Gilded Age president, behind...

Grover Cleveland, who dodged the draft by paying for someone else to go. This man is probably the greatest Gilded Age president, as I have already said.

Benjamin Harrison reached the rank of... you guessed it... brigadier general near the end of the war. He's not a stand out commander, and he's not a stand out president.

William McKinley was the last president to have experience in the Civil War. He actually fought under Hayes. Go figure. He reached the ranks of Captain and brevet major. Now, I can't tell you exactly what they are, but they're lower than brigadier general, I can tell you that. This man brought back power to the Executive Branch and is generally considered the first modern president.

Now, to rank these men by order of success in the Civil War:
1. Ulysses Grant
2. Rutherford Hayes
3. James Garfield
4. Chester Arthur
5. Benjamin Harrison
6. William McKinley
7. Grover Cleveland

And by success as president:
1. William McKinley
2. Grover Cleveland
3. Chester Arthur
4. Benjamin Harrison
5. Rutherford Hayes
6. James Garfield
7. Ulysses Grant

So, no it's not a perfect correlation. But I think there's something to be said for Civil War successes vs. Presidential successes.

Presidents' Day

...is quite possibly the most worthless holiday we have in the United States.

It sprung from celebrations of Lincoln's Birthday (on February 12) and Washington's Birthday (on February 22) and so now Presidents' Day is celebrated on a Monday in February, I suppose the third Monday, and we all get a three-day weekend instead of two days off.

But this is not my problem with the upcoming holiday. My problem is people don't celebrate the presidents. Not once have I heard of someone preaching about the greatness of Abraham Lincoln on this holiday. Nor have I seen someone wearing a George Washington t-shirt.

If we're getting this day off, why aren't people celebrating even these greatest presidents?

But in addition, people further shun the lesser presidents. Maybe they'll think of Washington and Lincoln, maybe even the Roosevelts. But what about the Millard Fillmores and the William McKinleys and the Benjamin Harrisons of our land? Isn't it their holiday too?

But people don't celebrate any of this. So why should this holiday still exist?


That being said, on Monday I'm wearing a Chester Arthur t-shirt and posting multiple blogs about some of the presidents who get no love.

Top 10: Movies that Should be Made about Presidents

10. Silent Cal
The movie with almost no dialogue.

9. Tippecanoe: William Henry Harrison
"Rosebud" is the dying word of this president. But what could it mean? A reporter seeks out the truth in President Harrison's history.

8. Dutch
In which all the die-hard Reagan Republicans attend, only to find out it's actually about Martin Van Buren. (More for the commercial success than the entertainment value...)

7. The First Black President
Initially about Bill Clinton, who recieved this nickname. Then about Barack Obama who appears to be black. Then about Thomas Jefferson, who is theorized to be partially black.

6. Ike
Dwight Eisenhower dominates Europe in World War II, then becomes much less dominating running Washington DC.

5. Buchanan and His Wife
A touching romance story of James Buchanan and William Rufus King, who dies. Buchanan goes on to be president, but fails to be good because he cannot forget the love he shared.

4. James Garfield Lives
What if Charles Guiteau had failed to assassinate James Garfield? The world progresses from 1881 to 1981.

3. Old Hickory: President Jackson's Adventures
A war hero with a few screws loose runs the country now!

2. TR
Against all odds, an asthmatic boy grows up to fight valiantly in a war and become president.

1. The Dude President: The Chester Arthur Story
A preacher's son grows up to be a wonderfully good brigadier general, only to fall into corruption under a party boss. When he becomes president, can he overtake his corrupted past?

Strong or Weak?

George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Franklin Roosevelt have what in common?

They are all strong presidents who followed generally weaker presidents.

Washington followed the Articles of Confederation, which had a president, but of Congress, not an executive. His term built the presidency. Lincoln followed James Buchanan who basically did nothing about seceding states, because he didn't think he had the right. At the same time, he didn't think they had the right to secede. Lincoln then saved the Union. Roosevelt followed Hoover, who is blamed for the Great Depression and failed to do much to make it better.

Roosevelt had great popularity because he wasn't Hoover. Washington was successful because the Constitution was fresh and he could interpret it however he wished. Lincoln was successful because most of his opposition seceded from the nation, and he forced himself into emergency powers.

When I consider these cases, I find it difficult not to draw a parallel to Barack Obama. George Bush isn't exactly a weak president, as he did get a lot done, but he was probably a poor one, like Buchanan and Hoover.

Unlike these cases however, Obama does not yet seem to be very successful. Perhaps he just needs his full term and maybe a second to prove his worth.

But what if Congress stays deadlocked?

Could Barack not follow these three examples and instead shift federal politics to be more like those of the Gilded Age?

The Gilded Age is notable for Congress' domination of politics. That, in turn, echoed of the presidents from Taylor to Buchanan. Is it perhaps time for the executive branch to become weaker again?

There's one major problem with weak presidents now that was not apparent last time. When the Gilded Age ended, expansionism began. The United States became firmly, and stays today, involved in the politics of the world. If the single man (or maybe woman) leading the executive branch is not strong, then the country will become weaker on the international field.

That singular leader is needed to be the representative of the United States. And he cannot be a pushover that the world takes advantage of, he needs to be strong but fair.

Thus, we must hope that Obama does follow the scheme of Washington, Lincoln, and Roosevelt. Because a Congress overtaking the president again could be bad for America.

Top 10: Coolest Looking VPs

In my last of the top 10 lists for a while, I examine the Vice Presidents, in terms of how awesome they look. Their names are links to pictures.

Presidential names in parentheses.

10. Millard Fillmore (Taylor)
This seems to be the only picture to do him justice.

9. James Sherman (Taft)
I don't know quite what it is about him. Maybe the spectacles just pull off the right effect.

8. Thomas Hendricks (Cleveland 22)
I think the hair/sideburns just work for Hendricks.

7. Adlai Stevenson (Cleveland 24)
Oddly enough, the baldness only makes him look more awesome.

6. Garret Hobart (McKinley)
Just like Adlai, but a step up in cool.

5. Thomas Marshall (Wilson)
He kinda seems like an ancestor to Eric Foreman on That 70s Show.

4. Charles Curtis (Hoover)
Just a good looking moustache.

3. Schuyler Colfax (Grant)
The only Vice President with a beard. This baffles me.

2. Chester Arthur (Garfield)
Gotta love the friendly mutton chops. Or the "Chester Arthur" as they are sometimes known. Which I plan to grow someday.

1. Levi Morton (Benjamin Harrison)
Chester Arthur just got out-"Chester Arthur"ed.

Top 10: Underrated

This list is very debatable. Let me make that absolutely clear. By no means is this list comprehensive or correct. But it is my best attempt to rank the top 10 underrated presidents by their recognition in the eyes of the common American.

10. James K. Polk
The last of the strong chief executives before the Civil War.

9. Richard Nixon
People seem to forget that he did anything as president other than resign due to Watergate.

8. John Tyler
The fact that he's a president is what he should be given credit for. His assertion in making himself successor to the deceased William Henry Harrison set the Vice President's position as first backup for a presidential death.

7. James Garfield
The man didn't have time to do much, I know. But he did manage to both play the political game in satisfying Stalwarts long enough to be elected, and then be president by not becoming Roscoe Conkling's dog on a chain.

6. William Taft
This big fella may have been a generally poor president, but we have to remember that he did more trustbusting than TR did.

5. Chester Arthur
He rose above party factions and possibly parties themselves. Then he reformed civil service. He also modernized the navy.

4. William McKinley
This man is the first modern president. He brought back power to the position, and thus ended the Gilded Age's streak of generally weaker presidents.

3. Lyndon Johnson
His work for civil rights, as well as his appointment of a black cabinet member, are often overlooked due to his involvement with the Vietnam War.

2. Millard Fillmore
He gave a boat to Commodore Perry, which would lead to relations with Japan. In addition, he supported the Compromise of 1850 (even while VP, doing so against the views of Zachary Taylor) which helped postpone the Civil War a bit

1. Benjamin Harrison
His signing of the Sherman Anti-Trust Act is what let TR, Taft, and Wilson go trust busting.

Top 10: Ugly

Who are the top 10 presidents in terms of ugly? I know the question has been bothering you for so long. So I shall put this to rest for you. They are as follows.


10. Abraham Lincoln
9. James Buchanan
8. Grover Cleveland
7. Grover Cleveland (if he's 22 and 24, he can be ugly twice too!)
6. Martin Van Buren
5. Gerald Ford (who ironically, was a model)
4. Lyndon Johnson
3. William Taft (mostly due to his weight)
2. Richard Nixon
1. John Quincy Adams

The Gilded Age Test

Following is a set of 20 multiple choice questions about the Gilded Age. Submit your answers to me via whatever you want, and I'll give you your grade.

1. Approximately how many pairs of pants did Chester Arthur have while in office?
a 20
b 40
c 60
d 80

2. Why is the Pendleton Act significant?
a Reformed civil service
b Created the presidential life of succession
c Gave land to Native Americans
d Ended Reconstruction

3. Which listed presidential candidate won the popular vote, but lost the election?
a Benjamin Harrison
b Winfield Hancock
c Samuel Tilden
d Millard Fillmore

4. The Panic of 1873 occurred while ________ was president.
a James Garfield
b Rutherford B. Hayes
c Ulysses S. Grant
d Andrew Johnson

5. Industrialization was a major theme of the Gilded Age. When was the Industrial Revolution begun in America?
a Before the Civil War
b Before the Revolutionary War
c During Reconstruction
d After Reconstruction

6. Which of the following pieces of legislation did Chester Arthur sign?
a Dawes Act
b Chinese Exclusion Act
c Sherman Anti-Trust Act
d McKinley Tariff Act

7. What presidential election was won by 1 electoral vote, making it the closest in terms of electoral votes in history?
a 1876
b 1880
c 2000
d 1824

8. What presidential election was won by about 2000 popular votes nationally, making it the closest in popular vote in history?
a 1876
b 1880
c 2000
d 1824

9. Benjamin Harrison was grandson to William Henry Harrison, the nation's 9th president. What else made him special?
a He was the "Centennial President"
b He remained unmarried
c He had a Ph.D.
d He used more vetoes than any other president

10. What branch of the federal government was most in control during the Gilded Age?
a Executive
b Legislative
c Judicial
d Parliamentary

11. What did all the bearded presidents have in common (aside from beards)?
a Same party
b Not re-elected to a second term
c Assassinated
d Vice presidents without beards

12. "Good ballplayers make good citizens" according to Chester Arthur. However, he was not a ballplayer. Which of the following was he?
a Governor
b Lawyer
c Doctor
d Know-Nothing

13. What defines the end of the Gilded Age?
a William McKinley's presidency, because he was a strong executive
b Grover Cleveland's second term, because of economic troubles reshaping the country
c Anti-trust legislation being passed for the first time
d A series of clean-shaven presidents

14. Thomas Nast took down whom with a cartoon?
a Chester Arthur
b Roscoe Conkling
c Boss Tweed
d Adolf Hitler

15. "No man ever entered the Presidency so profoundly and widely distrusted, and no one ever retired... more generally respected," said Alexander K. McClure. Who was he talking about?
a Ulysses S. Grant
b Rutherford B. Hayes
c James Garfield
d Chester A. Arthur

16. A president was assassinated during the Gilded Age. Who was it?
a James Garfield
b Chester Arthur
c Grover Cleveland
d Benjamin Harrison

17. Which of the following did not have experience in the Civil War?
a Ulysses S. Grant
b Rutherford B. Hayes
c Grover Cleveland
d James Garfield

18. The Presidential Polonaise was written by whom?
a Chester Arthur
b John Sousa
c Francis Scott Key
d a scribe

19. How long did the Chinese Exclusion Act exclude Chinese?
a 20 years, subject to extension
b 10 years, subject to extension
c 10 years, non-renewable
d 20 years, non-renewable

20. February 22, 1885, Chester Arthur did what?
a Die
b Shave
c Dedicate the Washington Monument
d Refurbish the White House

The Good Samaritan

Know that story told by Jesus? The Good Samaritan?

In a nutshell, the people expected to help a dying man don't, and the person thought to be evil does help the dying man.

The Good Samaritan, then, could be likened to Chester Arthur.

When he first ascended to the presidency, the nation collectively groaned, saying "Well these four years aren't going to be worth a pile of horse poop as far as civil service reform."

But, as we know today, Chester Arthur is known as "The Father of Civil Service Reform" because it was under him that Congress passed the Pendleton Act in 1883. It was completely unexpected for the Stalwart president to go completely against the Stalwart platform of "To the victor goes the spoils" and actually take a knife and shove it through the heart of the spoils system.

Final Round

John Kennedy vs George H. W. Bush

I know the general assumption out there is that JFK wins because he's younger and more charismatic. But you have to be careful when you make assumptions.

These two men are very different. For one, they're of different parties, so we're looking at who can win the swing states. Neither man is going to convert states of the other party. Second, I look at Bush and see a fatherly figure, whereas Kennedy seems more like a big brother. And I don't mean that in a 1984 sense.

Bush has some Navy pilot experience, a couple of terms in the House, other assorted political jobs including Chair of the RNC, and two terms of vice presidency. Kennedy had a couple of terms in the senate, and Naval experience.

At this point, we must reflect of similarities to the Election of 1960. Richard Nixon was also an older (than Kennedy) Republican, with experience in the armed forces, a couple Congress terms, and two VP terms. Nixon lost in a close election, quite possibly due to Kennedy's better appearance in the television debates.

Now that we've acknowledged that, let's notice the differences between Bush and Nixon. Bush was a bit more active as Vice President, perhaps making him more qualified. He's better with the television debates than Nixon was, at least in terms of appearance. So he and Kennedy would be on an even television playing field.

Another aspect of the Election of 1960 that helped Kennedy win it was his Vice Presidential pick of Lyndon Johnson to appease the South. However, we are matching up only the presidential candidates, and the South has become less dominated by the Democratic party as time has passed.

All these factors compounded, we're gearing up for one of the closest elections in history. All the Republican states comfortably go to Bush, and all the Democratic states comfortably go to Kennedy. But the swing states would have much less of a clear result. Some would go each way.

In the end, Kennedy performs very well.

But not quite as well as George Bush. The debates would only affect the votes of some of the most moderate candidates. Everyone else would have been predisposed to think in favor of one candidate or the other. Bush and Kennedy would break fairly even in these debates, both on television and on the radio. And thus, with Kennedy losing his main buffer in 1960, he loses to George H. W. Bush by just a few electoral votes and not many popular votes either.


Congratulations to George H. W. Bush for winning the Presidential Super Tournament.


P.S. Yes, I know you all disagree with me. No, I didn't make it happen this way just to piss you off/make you scratch your head/contradict your thoughts.

Road to the Finals

I'll be honest, I started this because I didn't feel like researching a bit into something else. I thought, eh I'll just pick one and give a few sentences of explanation for a while and then eventually somebody will win and I can go back to regular blog stuff yeh.

Well, this became a greater undertaking than I had imagined. For nearly every match, I did some research into the presidents before they were president and analyzed how well they would do against each other. My decisions were not infallible, but no one can say I didn't honestly try.

And so, in the day before the John Kennedy vs. George H.W. Bush final matchup, let's examine what happened to get them here and what happened to the candidates I initially thought would do well.

The man I thought would win it all was Theodore Roosevelt. In Round 1, he was matched up against Abraham Lincoln (to the disappointment of some). Roosevelt won in a landslide. In Round 2, he took on Chester Arthur. Corruption is Arthur's downfall as Roosevelt defeats him comfortably. Round 3, Roosevelt finds himself against Ronald Reagan. Roosevelt wins in a second landslide. Moving along to the quarter-finals, Roosevelt matches up with Lyndon Johnson. Lyndon pulls out a narrow victory, and TR's hopes are dashed, so he goes on an African safari.

I trusted that if TR lost, James Garfield would win. In Round 1, he matched up against Martin Van Buren. Garfield wins comfortably. Round 2, Garfield vs. Harding. Harding's policies decided this one, and he lost by a small margin. Round 3, Garfield finds himself overwhelmed by a modern politician. George H.W. Bush defeats him mainly due to Garfield's lack of modern campaign abilities.

These two men were my initial favorites to win the whole deal. But neither made the Final Four.

Now, to examine our finalists' journeys.

John F. Kennedy in Round 1 found himself against John Adams and won in a landslide. Round 2, he runs against Andrew Johnson and wins in a second landslide. Round 3 brought a closer election, but still a win, against Dwight Eisenhower. Going into the quarterfinals, Kennedy faced Harry Truman and won by Catholic and youth votes. In the semi-finals, he defeated Barack Obama. Just barely.

George H. W. Bush faced Calvin Coolidge in Round 1, and won with a large landslide. Round 2 brought FDR against Bush. Bush won again, by a leg. Round 3 put him up against Thomas Jefferson, where he won by "not quite a landslide." The quarterfinals pitted him against James Garfield, and Bush out-politic'd him. In the semi-finals, he faced off against Lyndon Johnson and won in a fairly close election.

So both candidates have shown massive power in their paths to this point, slowing only in the semi-finals against some quality opponents. The only question that matters now is how they ultimately match up against each other.

Excerpt from "Gentleman Boss: The Life and Times of Chester Arthur"

In honor of Chester Arthur Appreciation Day, an excerpt from a book about him.

The Civil War is raging and Chester is the brigadier general of New York.

~~~~~

After New York's initial thirty-eight regiments were recruited, all sorts of adventurers flocked to Washington to wangle commissions to raise troops. The War Department was desperate for manpower and frequently authorized prominent citizens to raise a regiment. Once permission was recieved, these gentlemen dubbed themselves high-ranking officers, set up headquarters, surrounded themselves with subordinates (who often purchased their commissions), passed out handbills, and began to recruit. At one point there were near a hundred such organizations in the state.

One such successful applicant was "Billy" Wilson, an aldderman who represented one of New York City's most crime-ridden areas. Wilson recruited a gang of toughs from his district who proceeded to plunder local restaurants in full uniform. Police were unwilling to crack down on Wilson and his boys because of their great popularity in the vicinity. The harassed restaurant owners finally appealed to the state for relief, and Governor Morgan ordered Arthur to put a stop to Wilso's marauding.

Upon request, Billy appeared one day at Arthur's office and swaggered through the door in a colonel's uniform. When told of Arthur's objections to his recent activities, Wilson bellowed:

"Neither you nor the governor has anything to do with me. I am a colonel in the United States service, and you've got no right to order me."

"You are not a colonel," Arthur replied indignantly, "and you will not be until you have raised your regiment to its quote of men and received your commission."

"Well, I've got my shoulder-straps anyway," said Wilson, "and as long as I wear them, I don't want no orders from any of you fellows."

At that, Arthur rose to his feet, ripped the straps from Wilson's shoulders, flung him into a chair, and had him put under arrest.

~~~~~


Arthur's work during the Civil War is often considered to be his best work. He was honest and efficient as brigadier general and quartermaster general through 1863.

It isn't until after this when he began to fall into the political machine of Roscoe Conkling and become a strong supporter of the spoils system.

Semi-finals

If you don't mind, I'm reversing the match order. If you do mind, suck it up.

Lyndon Johnson vs George H. W. Bush

Earlier in the tournament, I believe it was Round 1, perhaps Round 2, there was the matchup of Lyndon Johnson and George W. Bush. I actually gave no explanation, saying merely "LBJ wins. 'Nuff said."

One may expect similar results from LBJ/Elder Bush.

One may expect incorrectly.

This is a Democrat vs. Republican election, so it is safe to assume that the blue states stay blue and the red states stay red. ...Right?

Wrong. Texas has suddenly become a swing state. Both presidents are from there, and so this large, generally solid red state comes into dispute.

Not to oversimplify matters, but let us assume that the winner of Texas wins the election. This would definitely be true in the case of an LBJ victory, but is somewhat less certain in a Bush victory. However, it is still a generally accurate indicator of who will become the victor in this election.

In past matchups, LBJ has had vast and varied political experience as his greatest asset. Bush has experience in the House of Representatives and as Vice President. His time as Vice President was far more active than most.

In addition, Bush has experience as a pilot in World War II.

With his advantages over LBJ, Bush easily wins Texas. The other swing states would likely be less of a runaway, but still give enough electoral votes to Bush for him to win the election.




John Kennedy vs Barack Obama (tl;dr version included at bottom)

Apparently this is the preferred final match to a number (2) of the readers. I certainly understand why. It may be percieved that these two men are the strongest in the tournament. We will see in the finals if that is true.

But in addition to their strength, they are interesting as a
matchup because they're so similar. Neither has significant amounts of political experience, but both seem to be calm in campaign. They have similar ideological views.

The questions become:
Who wins the Democrats? By how much?
Who wins the Republicans? By how much?
Do the Republicans vote in full force?

First, let us address who the Republican side is more likely to support. Republicans are seen to be a more pro-war party. Thus JFK has a significant margin over Obama in the Republican clothespin voting. But don't think for a minute that Obama won't get a significant minority of Republican clothespin votes. Black Republicans and other Republicans largely in favor of progression of minorities (both of which exist, albeit not in large numbers) would vote for Obama.

I have twice referred to clothespin votes. This brings me to my second point. Republicans will not turn out in full force. Those who would cover their nose and choose Kennedy as the lesser of two evils are more likely to abstain than those who would vote for Obama based upon his race. This appears to give Obama the advantage on the Republican side. But then, Kennedy takes over the Republicans again through all the ones who do not want a black president. And so Kennedy wins the Republicans by a small margin.

The Democratic vote is much simpler to explain. Black Democrats definitely vote for Obama. White Democrats split, probably about 70/30 in favor of Kennedy.

What this fails to take into account are two things about JFK. First, his endocrine problems. But, if he could hide them 50 years ago, he could probably hide them now. Second, his affairs. These would have an effect on his campaign if they became public. However, the effect would be small, mostly taking away Republican votes, but not converting them to Obama. Plus, the morality issues mean less and less to the public as time passes.

And thus John Kennedy defeats Barack Obama. Not by much. But enough to win.

tl;dr version: JFK wins.











And so the stage is set.

JFK vs. George H. W. Bush in the final election of the tournament.

Friday.