Round 1

I apologize for any disappointment caused by the gods of the Internet not finding favor with me last night.

Keep in mind, we're assuming none of these men have yet been president, just for purposes of not making another ranking list, in disguise, and taking a fresher perspective as how these men would do in modern times.

1 George Washington 3 Thomas Jefferson (Victor will be assigned number 1)

This is an interesting battle. Two early politicians of America. Or wait... one politician and one other dude. George Washington never really got into the game of politics too much. Yes, he aligned himself with the Federalists, but he never had to campaign on a party platform or anything.

But then, Thomas Jefferson was a man of early politics. Could he really play the game of politics that much better than the Revolutionary War hero?

The answer, as evidenced by the stunningly modern, mud-slinging Election of 1800, is a resounding yes. Thomas Jefferson wins by out-campaigning and out-slandering Washington.

21 Chester Arthur 9 William Harrison (Victor will be assigned number 2)

From Wikipedia: "In the wake of the [economic depression], [opponent] was widely unpopular, and Harrison, following Andrew Jackson's strategy, ran as a war hero and man of the people while presenting [opponent] as a wealthy snob living in luxury at the public expense. Although Harrison was comfortably wealthy and well educated, his “log cabin” image caught fire, sweeping all sections of the country.

Harrison avoided campaigning on the issues, with his Whig Party a broad coalition with few common ideals."

Let's be honest, War Hero Harrison could campaign very similarly against Chester Arthur. The latter is known for 80 pairs of pants that he'd change multiple times a day.

However, Chester Arthur may have an edge campaigning on the issues. Since we assume he's already nominated, we can assume he goes into president mode. He wasn't the best man as veep, but as president he rose above parties.

Rising above parties would appeal to the people of the country, who seem to dislike extreme partisanship and favor "reaching across the aisle" in today's world. Chester also appeals to blacks because of his strides in civil rights. Chester Arthur wins by a small margin.

42 Bill Clinton 23 Benjamin Harrison (Victor will be assigned number 3)

Okay, Benjamin Harrison didn't even win the popular vote in his day. He then proceeded to lose to Grover Cleveland in a second election. I think it's pretty clear that Bill Clinton wins, seeing as we're assuming the Lewinsky deal hasn't happened.

16 Abraham Lincoln 26 Theodore Roosevelt (Victor will be assigned number 4)

Interesting matchup again. Two of the (generally considered) top 5 presidents. Abraham Lincoln is notable for losing multiple elections, and only winning 1 prior to presidency. What's the issue? He's known for great speeches. Is he just outmatched, unattractive to voters, or something intangible?

Theodore Roosevelt is a dynamic man who gives uprising speeches and seems to overcome nearly any obstacle, almost without regard to its size. San Juan Hill was him leading a cavalry unit without its horses and still winning. He beat an incumbent president as a third party candidate later in his career. He beat asthma to a pulp.

While the two are technically pretty close in their popularity (with the United States) at their times, TR's views are more modern. "Save the Union" may not be a great platform anymore, and honestly, Lincoln isn't notable for having views on foreign policy or anything pertinent in today's world. Plus TR wins in the intangibles. TR wins in a landslide.

20 James Garfield 8 Martin Van Buren (Victor will be assigned number 5)

All signs point to James Garfield being a relatively strong president. Martin Van Buren, not so much. In our current state, America picks the more dynamic, and Garfield wins. With a more comfortable victory than he had in 1880.

32 Franklin Roosevelt 18 Ulysses Grant (Victor will be assigned number 6)

A cripple vs. a drunk.

America takes the cripple.

40 Ronald Reagan 28 Woodrow Wilson (Victor will be assigned number 7)

Ronald Reagan is just too popular and too charismatic to lose to Wilson.

30 Calvin Coolidge 41 George H. W. Bush (Victor will be assigned number 8)

Calvin Coolidge is most famous for being quiet and answering no to multiple questions followed by "Now remember, don't quote me." He'd never win an election today.

Bush the Elder takes a victory, with a close electoral vote but popular vote landslide, nearing LBJ's landslide victory.




The next 7 matchups will be examined tomorrow.